


when the feeling changed

by mvni



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race (US) RPF, UNHhhh - Fandom
Genre: F/F, trixya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 08:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29168133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mvni/pseuds/mvni
Summary: "i can't believe that, out of all the chances you had to realise you're a big fat gay woman, it happened right when your boyfriend from years proposed to you."trixie was rather confused as to why katya, her best friend, had no opositions to her marriage. if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace. but can the bride speak?
Relationships: Trixie Mattel & Katya Zamolodchikova, Trixie Mattel/Katya Zamolodchikova
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	when the feeling changed

**Author's Note:**

> thought of this sitting at the dentist's chair so it was real fun! also im not crying today so i feel like i deserve some nice corny lesbian romance (but i am about to spiral to rock bottom so!! yay)

trixie had a good simple life.

she had a wonderful job at a makeup retail store, good friends, a loving boyfriend and a weird russian lady who was also her ride or die. 

katya and trixie met on a sunny day, while the youngest was rollerblading and was intercepted by a pretty blonde woman asking for a picture. they've been glued by the hip since then.

they were completely honest with each other, and trixie would kill someone to feed katya in a heartbeat. 

there was this time once, when they were bothing sharing a bed for no particular reason, that trixie felt like something had changed. katya was way too close, their hands entwined, trixie's chin resting on katya's chest.

"you know i can't let you go to sleep without kissing you, right?" katya said. they did kiss. and that happened for quite some time after, no feelings involved. it was nice to be so close to someone like trixie was close to katya. she felt a warm sensation thinking about it. 

that was until david and trixie met.

things happened rather quickly for katya's taste, but david is a good guy. he made trixie happy and took good care of her. of course she was bummed, trixie having a boyfriend meant no more unconscious making out. but katya was happy for her best friend. 

of course it was hard to see them together, all lovey dovey, to watch trixie laughing at his jokes, to feel herself dying a little everytime they kissed. but that's normal, right?

this year they were celebrating their third anniversary. 

it was a lovely wednesday night, and trixie was dressed to the ocasion, rocking a pretty pink dress with white boots. 

the restaurant was way too fancy for her, but david insisted. 

things were going just fine. she had a nice glass of rosé wine and they ate a pretty good pasta meal. 

david said he was going to the bathroom, and trixie got her phone from her purse to text katya and let her know about the hideous dress the lady from the table across the room was sporting when he came back and got on one knee.

"trixie, i've known since we met that you're the person i wanna spend my life with. and i know it's sooner than you expected, but. will you marry me?"

people from all across the restaurant were looking at them. eager to hear the big "yes". but trixie was frozen. she dreamed of it ever since she was a child. she practiced her acceptance speech in front of the mirror. but she couldn't say a single word. her brain couldn't process what was happening. 

"trix?"

"i'm sorry babe, i really am." he looked confused and trixie felt her heart hurt like never before. "can we talk about it later?"

david got up and they didn't stay long at the restaurant, both too embarassed to even look at each other. 

trixie didn't dare to reach for her boyfriend's hand, or talk, for that matter. it was painfully awkward. 

"what the hell was that?" david asked. he didn't seem mad, just shocked. rejection is pretty hard.

"i'm sorry, i just- look, don't you think we're too young? i'm only twenty three!" she said, trying to find any reason to justify whatever had happened. 

"we are, but i'm sure of what i want. aren't you?"

"i-i am! i just need more time to think. please?"

david sighed. he knew he couldn't rush her. not for such a big decision. 

"want me to drop you home?"

"you can leave me at katya's."

they went in silence for the rest of the way, only trading goodbyes. david leaned in for a kiss, and even though trixie didn't wanna kiss him, she did. 

trixie didn't need to give a heads up to go to katya's apartment, she had the spare key. katya even made a little T+K insert to glue in it. the door was a bit heavy, but nothing a lady like trixie couldn't handle. katya's living room was a mess, like it always has been. weird shit she buys from thrift stores all over the room, and also a lot of photographs she has taken over the years. the beaten up couch had trixie's imprint on the left side, and that's where she was when katya came back from the balcony, a lighter dancing between her fingers. 

"hey barbie girl, didn't hear you entering." she smiled. katya has such pretty teeth, even though she smokes like a chimney, trixie thought. "what's with the frown?"

"david proposed." trixie said, like it was no big deal. she only wished it wasn't. 

"and why don't i see a ring on this beautiful hand of yours?" katya said as she sat next to her best friend, who was very quiet at the moment. "wait. you said no?"

"no! but i didn't say 'yes' either..."

"why?" trixie could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, and katya was slightly close now.

"i don't know. i just- i can't- i don't think i wanna marry him, kat."

"did he do anything to you?" trixie knew the russian well enough to recognise her voice tone, and she knew katya was worried but was trying to keep it cool for her. 

"no, no, he's awesome. it's just, i don't know, i don't think i'm ready for this yet. which is stupid, because we've been together for three years and my parents love him-"

"trixie." katya cut her rambling, hands fidgeting, legs shaking. "do you love him?"

"yes."

"do you see a future, any future, with him?"

"yes." or at least she thinks she does.

"then go to his house and say yes and have sex with him. it's not that difficult." trixie didn't know, but it tore katya's heart apart to say this. she wanted to be a good friend and support trixie in everything, but she also wanted to be a little selfish and tell her not to marry david and elope with her instead.

"no katya, it's not that easy! for god's sake!" trixie stood up, more violently than she intended, scaring katya. "of course you'd say it is, because everything is easy for you. your parents are in russia and you can just move from place to place without any actual consequence, but i can't."

"i'm sorry, i-"

"you know what? i need some fresh air. i'll talk to you later." 

when she left, the door slammed shut, and katya was left all alone with her thoughts. 

trixie thought about callin an uber, but decided to walk home instead. she needed to think. 

why can't she just marry david, someone who loves her and treats her like a queen?

why is katya's approval so bad in her eyes?

why does trixie mattel always has to make everything a hundred times worse?

she didn't sleep that night. 

every time trixie closed her eyes, the scene from the restaurant played again. everyone saw how pathetic she is. 

when her body felt like going to sleep, trixie had to get ready for work. 

everyone has a passion, and trixie's was makeup. so she was always radiant when working, because she could use her skills and make people feel good about themselves. but today wasn't a good day and she wanted it to end.

upon arriving at mac, the first thing she did was tell her friend kim chi what happened. proposals don't get rejected every day.

"and then i went to tell katya and she told me to marry him, can you believe?" trixie scoffed, cleaning her brushes.

"what was she supposed to say, dummie? katya is your biggest supporter, she just wanted you to feel validated."

"she did the exact opposite!" kim rolled her eyes for the ninth time just that morning. 

"what was she supposed to do, then?"

"i don't know, talk me out of it? fight more? why didn't she fight more?"

"trix, you're such a brat." her friend said, and trixie knew she was right. she can be a brat at times."there's no reason to make such a fuss about it. unless there's something you're hiding from me."

"i'm not hiding anything, kim." trixie was fidgeting with the brushes at this point, not being able to look directly at the korean woman sitting right in front of her. "i just wish she fought more to keep me." upon realising what she said, trixie could feel her whole face burning. she didn't mean it like that, right? 

"i can't believe that, out of all the chances you had to realise you're a big fat gay woman, it happened right when your boyfriend from years proposed to you. this is just ridiculous." kim laughed, delighted to see trixie's face. "willam thought it would be on christmas eve, and i was waiting for katya to get fed up and kiss your villainous lips."

"wait. you guys... knew?"

"i think only you and katya still hadn't figure that out, honey."

"and what do i do now?"

"you know exactly what to do. be the bigger person for once, trixie."

as if katya was there listening to this conversation, trixie's phone lit up.

**from:** russian whore

 **to:** you

**10:21 a.m.**

heyyy i m sorry if i pushed your boundaries last nite

**10:22 a.m.**

wanna grab brunch today question mark

**10:22 a.m.**

we can go to that janky place u like

"speaking of the devil..." kim said and left trixie at her station, thinking about what to do. 

**from:** you

 **to:** russian whore

**10:25 a.m.**

its ok i lashed out 

**10:25 a.m.**

im meeting david for lunch, rlly need to talk to him

**10:27 a.m.**

but we can meet after work? :)

**from:** russian whore

 **to:** you

**10:31 a.m.**

it's a date, mama ;)

handeling costumers was a great way to waste your time. trixie didn't even think about meeting her soon to be ex boyfriend for lunch until alyssa, her manager, told her not to waste any minute of her lunch break. she had shivers down her spine when she entered the small restaurant.

david was already there, wearing a shirt trixie bought him. well played. 

"hey! how has work been today?" he asked, smiling, as if nothing happened less than twenty four hours before.

"great. normal. uh, listen. we need to talk. i thought about it and-" she could see he was smiling, and it broke her heart to break his. this isn't fair. 

"so..."

"look, i thought about it. i really did. and i realised i can't accept it. it has nothing to do with you, you have been amazing for all those years. but david, you need someone that can compromise, and i just don't think i'm this person. maybe one day i will be, but i can't make you wait for me. i'm so sorry."

they were quiet for some time. minutes felt like hours.

"does this has anything to do with katya?" 

"yes. i'm really sorry." trixie said, getting up from the chair and leaving, without looking back. 

for the first time ever, she called in sick. food poisoning, she claimed. kim knew what had happened and promised to cover for her, as long as she talked to katya on that very night. trixie planned on doing that, but god, she was tired.

she slept for the rest of the day, reality sinking in. she's single now. she can tell katya what she feels. 

the clock beside her bed rang at exactly six p.m. and she went straight to the bathroom to shower.

at exactly 6:41 p.m. trixie was full dressed in her dollie parton shirt, washed skinny jeans and pink chuck taylors, debating wether to intercept katya at home or just give up and make a public confession. 

and at 6:49 p.m., she was inside her uber. 

katya's apartment complex wasn't big, but today it seemed massive. her arm felt heavy as rocks when she rang the doorbell.

trixie was welcomed by a sleepy katya, wearing nothing but an oversized tee that said "eat pussy, they're vegan". a half smoked cigarette was pending right beside her ear.

"sorry, i wasn't expecting you to come early. i wasn't expecting you to come at all."

"i know. but i really need to talk to you." katya gestured for her to get inside, and so she did.

"well, let's hear what tracy has to say." she said jokingly.

"i know now why i got so mad at you yesterday. and why i can'nt marry david. you know i'm a hopeless romantic and i dream about getting married since i was a child, but i just can't stand the thought of seeing you, on my wedding, with another person. and it souldn't be like this. but i can't stop thinking that, if i married david, i'd have to see you marrying somebody else and it hurts. the reason why i can't marry him is because" trixie took a deep breath. "i'minlovewithyou."

"i-i'm sorry, can you say that again?"

"i'm in love with you, katya. truly, madly, deeply in love with you. and i have been ever since we met, but i'm too dumb to sort out my own feelings."

no one said anything. they could hear each other's heartbeat, and trixie wanted to scream. 

when katya had finally processed enough to say anything, she looked almost guilty.

"wow. wow, i. trixie, i don't know what to say."

"it's fine, really. you can say if you don't feel the same. shit, i shouldn't have com-" as she was about to leave, trixie felt katya's hand on her wrist, and turned around to face the woman of her dreams.

"stay." she asked softly. "i can't believe this just happened. trixie, do you have any idea of how much i had to contain myself for the past three years? it was torture. but i didn't want to lose you, so i just figured it was better to have you as a friend than not to have you at all. god, trix, i love you so much." she spat it out, grasping for air, not letting go of trixie's arm, like her life depended on it. and it really did.

"i wanna kiss you so bad."

"please."

so trixie did.

it was the best kiss she'd ever experienced. 

katya's mouth was warm, and she tasted like nicotine. 

"can you spend the night?" 

"of course i can, kat."

it all felt like a dream.

laying in katya's bed, with her lover dozing off by her side, trixie's finger running on the prettiest blonde hair she had ever laid her eyes on. she never wanted to be away from katya again.

"love?"

"hm?"

katya was barely awake. trixie could feel her breath getting weaker by the second. 

"you know i can't le you go to sleep without kissing you, right?"


End file.
